hindsight 🥀 . i usually only post micropoetry to my IG page but while i was on vacation last week i wrote this & i felt the need to share it here. while i was away i did a lot of reading - novels, poetry both current & classic - & i cannot get over the strength we all exhibit to show our vulnerabilities & to share our experiences & life moments with each other ( strangers at that). it takes a special kind of person to not only be aware & live in the moment but to also be able to articulate those moments in a way that’s relatable to others. if you’re unsure of your love for writing, don’t understand it or don’t know what to do with it, just please keep putting your pen to paper. maybe it’s not for you to figure out right now - or ever - but just keep writing, keep doing what makes you feel alive, & keep living. the world needs more people like us.
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I actually feel I am finally coming up for air after a near month of just feeling swarmed and underneath water, just trying to survive and get my littlest love through. Her tooth infections came to a climax on Friday when she was put under general anaesthetic to get her teeth taken out. It actually was genuinely one of the worst days of my life, seeing her like that, in so much pain and delirium after she came round from the surgery. I never want to see her like that again. It was an aggressive procedure. They ended up taking ten teeth out (I was prepared for 4 as her holes are on the sides of the two teeth in question) because five were already wobbly and had to come out as part of a safety procedure. It feels haunting just to go back to it, to talk about it. I have so much to say though. So much. Just waiting for the words to come to me. Just letting my head get around it all. The detached nurses and doctors and anaesthetists, the one beautiful nurse that reached out to me in her humanness and felt like she hugged my very heart. But these are my notes to soul right now. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves we can breathe again. Sometimes we need to pull away from it all to remember we can breathe and stop holding our breath in. Sometimes we just need to rest and begin again tomorrow or next week or next month or whatever. She's doing much better now. She can't eat much. Every time she smiles I am reminded of the horrors of Friday but she looks and sounds so darn cute with her insane gappyness. She is back to cartwheeling and dancing around. It amazes me how kids just get on with things. I on the other hand am struggling. And so that's why I am reminding myself I can breathe. Goodnight darlings xx. Link in bio to join me on my journaling ecourse. We begin on Saturday. Much love xx